Cautionary Tale

Damn, that was sophisticated.

Last Thursday, I was hit by a phishing scam. A phishing scam is essentially any social engineering hack used to gain personal information, like, let's say, a PIN for a debit card. The full text from the message sent to my cell phone follows:

Finance Center FCU Alert: Your CARD has been DEACTIVATED. Please contact us at 3317-286-2830 to REACTIVATE your CARD.

I dialed the number (without the first "3") and was greeted by an IVR asking for my 16-digit card number. I was then asked to provide the old PIN, then asked to provide the new PIN (I believe, twice). They thanked me, and I hung up. 3 days later, they visited a Chicago ATM and hit my card for a substantial sum of money, leaving me with -$330 in my checking. ISF fees also kicked my ass for nearly another $100.

This story resolves itself happily, as my bank, the real FCFCU or, now, Finacial Center, has a fantastic fraud protection program in place. When I walked in the door at 10:15 Tuesday morning (having discovered the charges the night before), I approached the manager: "I got ripped off. My checking account was cleaned out." Yada, yada, yada, 15 minutes later I walked out with some paperwork and the Credit Union already sent paper work to recover my funds. In a fit of mad efficiency, I also upgraded my checking account to get a better interest rate and refunded ATM fees.

As a former tech support worker for IU, I was very aware of the presence of such schemes. Our call center got calls from time to time with people worried about emails they recieved, and we would bust a little scam artist knowledge on them to help them keep themselves safe in the future. I feel like an idiot for getting ripped off, but I think the whole thing was just clever enough to snag reasonably intelligent people.

When the Levee Breaks

When I was a kid, I would start pointing out things in the world I would do differently. I think this experience is universal; you may have been most clever and thought “Why don’t they make the whole plane out of the black box?” Some grown-up may have been nearby to pop your balloon: “That shit would be too heavy to fly” or “If you sat in the black box, you’d still be dead.” Comedians probably aren’t beating engineers to the punch, however clever the thought may be.

Even if your or my idea wasn’t met with resistance, it’s still pretty reasonable to think that you or I never had an original thought in this regard. The idea that a 10 year old is going to confront and solve an engineering problem 3 minutes after recognizing something strange in this world is pretty ludicrous to me. Whenever a kid says “They should” or “Why don’t they,” you and I should immediately realize that the kid’s idea was already thought of and ruled out. You and I, for that matter, probably haven’t cracked any grand fucking mystery, either. I am willing to accept that, for the vast majority of things, some professional has made it their life’s work to handle the design and execution. As pointed out on XKCD: We all hate some traffic lights, but odds are, it sucks for a reason explicitly designed/intended.

Of course, there are exceptions to this rule, but even then, some kid inventor usually brings a cheesy labor saving device into this world, like a button wired to drop the toilet lid. Fuckin’ thanks, genius.

This represents a “baseline” philosophy of mine that greatly informs my thinking. I’ll still engage in the exercise of noticing something in the world (at 1am, they should put this traffic light on a trigger so’s I don’t have to wait at a red, I’m the only guy on this road!), or working up a rationale for some concept (what’s the point of a god judging life), but with the caveat that that road has been trod before, and that my own ignorance of the work already done on the subject disqualifies me from asserting my conclusion as some grand, previously un-accessed truth.

You’d think that engineers have already conquered something as seemingly uncomplicated as levees. I have questions that apparently haven’t been solved already, a thought that should make everyone uncomfortable. What should levees be made of? How do you test a levee? See, levees that have roads running through them, not over, have locks, the ones I have seen being made of some type of metal. Would it work to run that “lock metal” all the way along that levee, then encase it in earth? If that’s not how it’s already done, is it because of money?

Also, I am ignorant (thanks, media) about a few things: How many levees, raw number and as a percentage, didn’t fail? How many levees withstood loads equal to or greater than the load they were meant to take? How many levees failed under loads they weren’t rated to withstand? I’m too lazy to research this topic. As such, this topic sits in a part of my brain labeled “Shit I don’t know enough about to have a reasoned opinion on.”

And Now For Something Completely Racist...

In the chapter covering research materials, in my Speech textbook, there is a list of reference works for quotations. When reading the following, look for the pattern:

1. My Soul Looks Back, 'Less I Forget: A Collection of Quotations by People of Color.
2. Ancient Echoes: Native Americans Words of Wisdom
3. Fire in Our Souls: Quotations of Wisdom and Inspiration by Latino Americans

Now folks, waaaaaaaiiiit fooooooor iiiiiit!

4. A Treasury of Jewish Quotations

When I read this, a fine mist of Diet Squirt issued from my mouth. What you've all witnessed is, hopefully, a gaffe. But it's still damn funny.

Relating this to a friend of mine, Rob, he mentioned his dismay that no Asian quote book was listed. Would you want them to, following this display? What would they have listed?

I've got a few:

5. Wok on the Wild Side: Famous Asian Quotations
5. A Short Collection of Asian Quotes
5. Confucius Say: And So Do Other Famous Asians


P.S. I tried to shore this up with Caucasian quote books, but none of them had that "punch" I was looking for, c'est la vie.

Hillary Clinton's Alcohol and Barbiturate Fueled Rampage

I think I know why the news in this country panders to the lowest common denominator. It’s quite simple; the lowest common denominator is eating it up. The lowest common denominator is patronizing the sponsors of the pandering stations. The lowest common denominator is the largest segment of our population.

Sensationalist humbug, as intriguing as it may be, chews up our news slots. Next time you watch the news, try this little experiment: Replace every instance of “Barack Obama” or “Hillary Clinton” with “Lindsay Lohan” or “Britney Spears” and vice versa. Notice anything weird? The weird thing is: It doesn’t sound weird at all. The same kind of coverage applies for both. Where were they last seen? What were they doing? Are they getting into trouble? If so, what is their response?

“Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton took a break from their campaign to vote on an Iraq appropriations bill in the Senate today, before resuming their campaign (cue video of the two hugging, exchanging pleasantries).”

Who cares (idiots, Dude)? I think the real news would go a little something like this: “The Senate voted on an Iraq appropriations bill today, a bill whose major provisions include [insert provisions]. The debate centered on whether or not the following provisions, [list certain provisions], had a place in a bill of this nature. Senator [name] felt [insert opinion] due to [reasons].”

Something like that.

Political news is going to jump the shark soon: When Barack Obama accidently flashes his snatch while climbing out of his limo at the premier for the new Tom Clancy movie.

Gross.